You are not to blame for what I’ve become, You
who abandoned me, wounding me, forever
Traveling from border to borderline between comfortable numbness and stark despair Alone in my life have I become …
Distant and disconnected from the mother who could not love you, condemned you to feel unlovable, to find love, but not joy, to give love, but not keep it: keeping your distance instead you kept it vague, until you faltered and fled, abandoning us all.
A little girl alone with her witch mother,
Her anguished childhood, lost, to the terror of war,
Sharing her, sorrow and shame I see her enduring what I could not have survived,
But you, a frail little girl were resilient, it took her time to break you…
The little girl I never knew, who I am helpless to help, comprehended, or forget.
Who haunts me, following me, She leads teaching me, that
Love is not what you give, it’s who you lose,
keeping only no one to lose I follow her,
losing her, losing her,
I am lost
Loving now only those who won’t let me in I keep them out.
Keeping only what was never mine I have lost no one,
losing no one, living alone.
There’s a city out there
he wants to be part of .
Its skyscrapers jagged edges
etch their way across his mind.
From the tenement top
he can almost touch them.
Leaning an inch, two, three,
too far, he’s falling , falling
throw him back to try
in desperation, driving him, again
and again, until fatigue defeats him.
Then with arms hugging folded knees in despair,
he watches darkness descending
on a dimming distant skyline.